Going Away Melancholy

Smell my fear
Carry me far away from here
Get me running in the street like rain
Not even saints will complain

[...]

Only the lonely get out of here and live this life.

-- Molly Nilsson


I am happy, I am sad, I am full of anticipation, I know how lucky I am and I am afraid - just a bit.
I pack my bags and leave exactly the same time last year. Maybe this will be my magical going away moment for the next years. Two countries, two very different purposes. I will watch a very good friend graduate, meet dear friends and show other dear friends an amazing country. Then I will start a new adventure myself and be on my own for quite a while...

I feel guilty. Last year was full of change and I learned so much about myself, about the people around me and what's important to me. I finally found my direction and now I abandon that plan for a bit and just enjoy life. I have plans, I want to change the world (and yes, I truly believe we all can, btw) and off I go doing something else. But along with this guilt of not following the direction I chose, I know that I have to do it. Our most important purpose is to live this life we were given. And I know that this will make me happy and hold many life lessons.

A few days ago we sat together at the kitchen table, the last time for at least three months with this group of people, who are so wonderfully good for me. They are home, they cherish this place the same way I do and it feels warm. And suddenly melancholy hit me. We had this moment of closeness and now we are separating again (Philipp away, me away...). I will be back, I will make somewhere else home as well, but within the short period of time we lived together I put down first roots. Still fragile - I'm afraid they're pulled out by me leaving now. I should trust our bond not to be broken by the time we're separated. In the end, this is just fear speaking. Fear of the unknown awaiting me. It will be fine.

With this said, I will be hopping from town to town in Japan first and if you feel like it, join me for a cup of tea in Istanbul afterwards :)